I cannot imagine being so ridiculously good looking that my face could command a camera’s attention. Having a face so sexified that a camera overheats with nervousness every time it squares up for a pic. With a face like that, you don’t smile for the camera….you seduce it. You make that camera want your phone number after the flash dims. Do you give the camera your phone number? No. Dumb question. You don’t give that phone number out to anyone because your beauty is unrivaled. You just couldn’t settle with anything other than a big mirror and some good lighting.

What or whom am I referring to? I’ll let you be the judge. Here are a few random pics from our dinner at Lauberge on Saturday nite. Derek Zoolander - eat your heart out.

And for those of you who might be suffering from blindness for looking directly into the face of an angel….I feel the need to post some pics of normal humans from that night. These should bring you back to 20/20 vision:

Course Judge Wapner at 3 o’clock. Gotta get my underwear at K-Mart.

There’s been a little chatter about bringing the site back and for me to get a little more frequent with the updates. Well I hear you loud and clear. I am feeling the itch to put some folks back on front street. I was away for a while because the site needs some updating. The design is outdated, the blog software is outdated, and David’s haircut is outdated. ZING!!!! Did you see what that was? That’s right…..I’m coming back and no one is safe. Here’s a short list of people that got it coming:

• Zach “Swallowed A Pig” Padgett - You’ve been in your cave for too long. It’s time to bring you out sister.
• David “Doe-Doe” Hinds - Front Street has missed you.
• Chad “Big Sexy” Kemp - Your time is coming. Put down the fork and tune in.
• Tyler “Coach” Bearden, Matt “Spider” Schultea, Sean “10 Innings Strong” Salinas - You old guys aren’t safe either.
• Jeremy “Alligator Arms” Henry - The baby is here. Time to lose the pregnancy weight you put on.
• Warren “G Funk” Claybar and Mike “Mad Money” Albanese - No more registries, place settings, or flower arrangements. Welcome to marriage, it was nice knowing ya.
• Billy “Tall C in J” Ford - Put down the dishes and take off the maid’s outfit. You can be a man while you read this.
• “Lights Out” Ledger Hinds, Rylee “Sweet Girl” Thompson, Lucas “Little Bear” Poutra, Andie “Sweet Baby” Bearden - You guys can’t read yet but the good news is…..you’re safe. You also have the coolest uncle in the world.
• Jim Sharon “Not Elway” Bearden, Ben “Beaumont’s Paris Hilton” Mazzola, Brian “Big El” Mazzola, Brian “Hemingway” Mathews - Stay hot.
• Shaun “Crazy Eye” Seago - Quit texting yourself and put the cell phone down.
• Too many other names to list. Don’t worry, I’ll get to them.

And to everyone else not listed on here, if I find out you are reading this, you become fair game. You might not want to mention that you stopped by the site, ever. Also, I will be updating the looks of the site in the upcoming week or so and it might get broken here and there. It will come back better and stronger.

One thing I will be adding to the site is a key for the nicknames. If you have just recently stumbled across this blog, it shouldn’t take you long to see that it’s not to be taken seriously. I couldn’t care less about it and if you do, get over yourself. 

What’s up with the guy who runs this blog? How obnoxious is it to not update it regularly?

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Here is a picture of the little ladies’ killer Ledger Hinds doing his magic this past weekend. He already gets ‘em.

Here is a picture of his father, the original gangster - David Hinds, chunking the deuces with Bun B of UGK this past Saturday. Primo Hinds is so street.

I just received these pictures in my email showing a 12 foot alligator that was caught behind a chemical plant in Orange, Texas. This came out of the same waters that we wakeboard in and a few of my fellow boarders are concerned. I would be worried too:

• if this 12 foot alligator was actually 22 feet long and trained in mixed martial arts
• if the alligator had my pin code for my debit card
• if I ever fell while wakeboarding

None of these three things are possible so no big deal.

This one is definitely from the “where are they now” archives and it should blow your mind. Not because we didn’t know Jason Montgomery was smart but because we didn’t expect him to be a teacher’s assistant at freakin’ OXFORD. I had quite a few classes growing up with Monty and we were both more into pencil fights and paper planes than Applied Mathematics. I had just imagined him headlining at a honky-tonk in Oxford, Mississippi before I saw him hanging out with Pip Havisham.
Regardless, way to represent the Real OC Monty! You can click the image to see his TA’s Page.