Andy Pettitte’s Genius Admission Statement
Andy Pettitte thinks the world is dumb. This pompous guy needs to hit the campaign trail as the head speech writer for a Presidential candidate. Check this crap out:
“I felt an obligation to get back to my team as soon as possible,” Pettitte said. “For this reason, and only this reason, for two days I tried human growth hormone. Though it was not against baseball rules, I was not comfortable with what I was doing, so I stopped.”
“Everything else written or said about me knowingly using illegal drugs is nonsense, wrong and hurtful,” he said. “I have the utmost respect for baseball and have always tried to live my life in a way that would be honorable. I wasn’t looking for an edge; I was looking to heal.”
Let’s break that down by each sentence:
“I felt an obligation to get back to my team as soon as possible,”
It is my team’s fault because they need me back playing.
“For this reason, and only this reason, for two days I tried human growth hormone.
Again, let me remind that you I am innocent. It was definitely my team’s fault.
Though it was not against baseball rules, I was not comfortable with what I was doing, so I stopped.”
Let me also remind you that there is nothing wrong with what I did. I’m not even sure why I am making this statement.
“Everything else written or said about me knowingly using illegal drugs is nonsense, wrong and hurtful,”
You people are mean when I do things wrong and illegal and immoral and unethical. Even when you are right.
“I have the utmost respect for baseball
I have made a lot money playing this game.
I wasn’t looking for an edge; I was looking to heal.”
Because healing faster is not considered getting an edge.
That’s some good stuff. Thanks for that Andy, you have cleared everything up for us. Let me apologize on behalf of America for thinking you did anything wrong. Have some more H.G.H. with your next meal.
December 17th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
While Mr. Pettitte only claims he used HGH for two days it is fact that it stays in your system for about 2 months. So if he would have stated his facts correctly it should read like this:
I only took HGH for two months in which span I gained a competitive advantage and gained 15 lbs of pure muscle and my endurance increased dramatically.
December 20th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Here’s my favorite part:
“If what I did was an error in judgment on my part, I apologize. I accept responsibility for those two days.”
Starting an apology with the word “if” just doesn’t work.